Marriage is Meant to Last Forever

When I was a little girl, I reached over the front seat of the car, and asked my Mother who her best friend was.  I was perplexed when she said my father.  I expected her to say her sister, or a neighbor.  Anyone but my father!  But over the years, I have been the beneficiary of that deep and abiding friendship.  They were loyal to each.  They encouraged each other.  They respected each other.  They didn't seek to change each other.  They experienced cancer, deaths, disability of a child, and financial struggles.  But through it all they persevered. The bond between them grew.  The friendship deepened.  My father passed away unexpectedly in his sleep one night.  Mom, knowing he was dead in the bed, got up and put on her panty hose and dress, then called 911 because she knew it was going to be a big day.  Later that week, she told me that she would do all she could to be healthy and ensure a long live (she had cancer at the time), but she wanted me to know that if she should die how happy she would be to be with my father again.  Years passed, and my mother kept true to her word.  She said she felt my father's presence nudging her towards baptism and the temple.  On a glorious day, I witnessed the sealing of my mother to her husband (my husband was the proxy) in the temple and I was blessed to be sealed to these two people that knew what love was.

I am indeed grateful for the covenant of eternal marriage.  Elder Hafen talked of a  young and happy couple on their wedding day and wondered how long it would be until these two faced opposition that faces every marriage.  My mother saw that there was indeed a way to be with her husband, her best friend in eternities, and she took those steps, even though she, herself was ill.  When my mother passed away, it was a bitter sweet day for me.  Even though I knew I would miss her deeply, I remembered how much she longed to be with my father again.  How joyous that reunion must have been. 

Wolves would destroy marriage.  Adversity can take its toll.  Imperfections will test us.  Attitudes of individualism will tear us apart.  Elder Russell M. Nelson taught, "The noblest yearning of the human heart is for a marriage that can endure beyond death."


Consider this illustration by Boyd K. Packer:

My wife has an aged aunt in Brigham City. She is the last of fourteen children. Perhaps seventy-five years ago, Millicent took her little brothers and sisters to town to see the Peach Days Parade. With excitement they walked the long way to town. They hadn’t been there long when a horse-drawn water wagon came along, sprinkling the streets to settle the dust. They watched it in awe and were greatly impressed. When it had passed they went home. They thought the parade was over. They were quite satisfied, until they learned the difference.

My mother understood the difference.  She wanted all that Heavenly Father intended for His children's happiness.  And my happiness.  And your happiness.  Through her diligence in keeping covenants, she was able to obtain that.  Through the blessings of temple ordinances, I am blessed that my family can be together, forever.

Daddy Gave Me a Name

            No subject touches my heart more than the topic of fatherless America.  I believe it is the stem of all our social problems.  We are slowly becoming a culture of fatherlessness.  An article in The Washington Times states that a single mother has three daughters.  Each has matching glittery boots, but none has the same father. Each has uniquely colored ties in her hair, but none has a dad present in her life. 

We are losing the idea of fatherhood in our society.  It has been almost two years since a six-year old girl has seen her father.  While skyping he asks her to tell him what’s on her mind.  She answers by saying, “Daddy, I really, really want you to come here to see me.”  Quickly the subject is changed and not even a glimmer of hope is made at granting this little girl’s wish.  

          Fatherlessness is on the rise.  Studies show that 41% of births in the United States now occur outside the context of marriage.  Only 29% of African American children live with their married parents.   There is a direct link between violent crime, drug abuse, gangs and a father’s absence.  Our society needs a solution to this nation’s most serious issue.

                      Our society sees fathers as unnecessary.  In the book, Fatherless America, David Blankenhorn states there are many different names we use to identify fathers in America. There is the Sperm Donor, Deadbeat Dad, Baby Daddy, Stepfather, or Nearby Guy.   But, children are crying out for the Good Family Man –a  man that sticks by his family and gives, not only his money, but his time. How much longer does this six-year old girl have to wait for her father’s visit?  Or, one day will the skyping and phone calls end too? 
 Think of it this way – in a few years we will have two groups of youth in our country.
  They will speak the same language and have the same national history but they will live two different lives.  One group will have psychological, social, economic, educational, and moral benefits.  One group will not.  The main factor in these groups will be fatherlessness.  All to many children live the lives that Everclear described in their song, "Father of Mine":

Father of mine
Tell me where have you been
You know I just closed my eyes
My whole world disappeared
Father of mine
Take me back to the day
When I was still your golden boy
Back before you went away

I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be weird inside
I will always be lame

Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away

          Our children desire both parents present in their lives.  It is ideal for the parents to be married and to love each other and raise a family within the love of that marriage.  But in situations where that is not possible, it is vital to put the child first at all times.  And not only if something better doesn't come along (like a new wife and family, new job, new life).

          D Todd Christofferson offers this advice in his talk, "Brethern, We Have Work to Do."     You adult men—fathers, single adults, leaders, home teachers—be worthy models and help the rising generation of boys become men. Teach them social and other skills: how to participate in a conversation, how to get acquainted and interact with others, how to relate to women and girls, how to serve, how to be active and enjoy recreation, how to pursue hobbies without becoming addicted, how to correct mistakes and make better choices.

          Likewise, the role model of a father that loves a little girl is irreplaceable in her life.  By having a father in her life, she will see kindness, respect, she will see courage and someone who is willing to sacrifice for her.  That model will be what she will seek in her life as she grows up and how she will expect boys to treat her.

          Fatherhood is not something that you can walk away from.  It is a partnership with the mother, the child and a responsibility from God.

Mother's Day Letter to My Children

This year marks my first Mother's Day without you close by.  I keep planning what I'll do.  I'll go to Church and spend some time with grandma.  I'll probably take a ride with dad on the motorcycle.  Read a book.  Eat something yummy.  Talk to you.  It's all good things that I love to do and I am sure it will be great day.  I hope for each of you, Stacey and Jess and Jenn to enjoy the day with your children.  Remember that the key to enjoy Mother's Day is not to expect too much!!!

Motherhood is a challenge and a blessing.  No one can describe the moment that you hold your newborn for the very first time or the joys of seeing your child make good choice on their own.  Cherish your little ones.  They tend to grow up overnight.  No wonder the scriptures say, "Behold your little ones."

I wouldn't be a mother without each of you.  You have made my life completely complete.

Dear Bryant:  No little guy ever came into the world with as much anticipation as you.  After days of labor, you were born.  Dad cried as he said to you "I'm your father and I love you." You were the genesis of a young family. Our beginning.  Both sets of grandparents were at the hospital waiting your arrival.  You got the newly decorated baby nursery, a baby buggy and an automatic rocking horse. Everything you did was a first and we were over the moon with each little step and word from you.  You have always been happy and cheerful.  You laughed at your sisters antics and adored your father and Poppy. You were always my favorite.  Your faith in God has been an inspiration to me even when times were tough for you, you hung in there.  Keep going, Bry.  Keep walking, having faith and hope in the future.



Dear Stacey:  You brought life and light into our home the moment you were born.  Even as a newborn, you had a mind of your own.  You taught me the way you wanted things done.  You were the middle child (and acted nothing like a middle child) and the one we relaxed with. You were the baby that was dropped and stepped on more times than I care to say.  You were my constant companion for your first year and we went everywhere together.  Your mind was always spinning with ideas:  good ideas and fun ideas.  You brought us friends and events and parties and lots of dancing.  You always knew what path you wanted in life and set out on course to achieve your goals. You are firm and steadfast.   I wish I had one ounce of your creativity, passion and drive.  You were always my favorite.    You have been a loyal friend to many, including me, especially me!  Thanks for getting me and dreaming dreams with me.

Dear Jess:  You will always be my baby.   As a baby, I would try to protect you from the wind and rain, but you didn't want me to.   You wanted to hold your face high into the storm. But I see you in a strong woman who has overcome many obstacles. That's who you are today. You were our icing on the cake and made our family complete.  You are the only little girl I know that would sit on a stool by the dentist to watch her mother have a root canal.  That's how good you were.  You bring to our family a sense of individuality and uniqueness.   You are your own person but very much a part of all of us.  You are sensitive and kind to the needs and desires of others.  Potential is oozing out of your pores.  Live the life of your dream.  You have always been my favorite.  I cherish our friendship. 

The Family

The Family:  A Proclamation to the World

I am taking a class on The Family:  A Proclamation to the World through Brigham Young University - Idaho.  First unit and already I am learning things I didn't know before.  Such as the earth was created for families to exist.  Families are central in our theology to God's plan for our happiness. 

       When I was a teenager, I envisioned the life I would have as an adult.  I wanted nothing more than to be a mother.  I imagined having six children, all dressed in white, sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade, and waiting for Father to come home.  Father was tall, handsome and rich.  I imagined my home to be decorated with white furnishings and brightly colored accents.  I knew I would have a job chart and each child would take joy in completing their assignments.  In my gourmet kitchen, I would whip up fancy dinners and have intelligent conversation with my family each night around the dinner table.  Once a week, the family would gather around for a musical family concert.  Each child would excel in the instrument of their choosing. 

        As my life progressed, I realized some things that weren’t part of the dream.  I didn’t realize that my handsome husband brought sawdust into the house each evening when he came home.   I didn’t realize that I didn’t know what to do with a newborn.  When he cried for the first time, I would have to refer to the instructions given to me at the hospital to figure out what to do with him.  I could have never imagined fear the night we had to bring our baby boy to the emergency room for a life and death situation.  I didn’t know the secret to finishing a sewing project is giving three preschoolers a box of ice pops while they watch TV.

        My child taught me that they would only like tuna casserole and spaghetti and that one would declare herself a vegetarian at age eight.  Cats didn’t like the litter box  but they loved to scratch at the furniture in the living room.  And, the idea of the job chart where every one accomplished their tasks with joy only lasted a week.    No one ever told me that 12 year old cooking could burn your house down.  Lastly, no one ever told me that each children would be so completely different and I would have to adjust my parenting skills.  

My dreams of a classical music family got clouded up by one word - practice.   One family night we did have a family concert. Stacey played the flute, Bry played the piano, trumpet and French horn and Jess was starting the viola. Jess went first. She kept us waiting be cause she was getting ready. She came out of her room wearing dads cowboy boots, my prom gown, bright red lipsticks and a pillow on her head. She started to play. Her first song was jingle bells. It sounded just like can can. Her second was can can. It sounded just like jingle bells. The while time she was playing she was flipping her music right side up and upside down. We couldn't stop laughing which got her so angry that she place her viola in the case and slammed it shut and stormed off.

        All in all I can truly say that the reality was far better than the dream

​The reality brought with it dance recitals, piano recitals, school concerts, field trips, sleepovers, pranks, pep rallies, friends, and marching band.  It brought camping trips, vacations, favorite songs, and family activities.  It also brought heart ache, grief, forgiveness and learning faith.

​Reality has taught me time does, indeed, move on.  My three little kids are now three grown adults.  Each has brought a new dimension into my life.  We all share the same memories but we see the world differently.  Reality has taught me that my three little children were never meant to be perfect or to be clones of myself and my husband.  They are each individuals with their own desires, talents and challenges.  

Italian Easter Cookies

Growing up in an Italian family, these cookies are not only for Easter, but for any celebration!  A baby shower, funeral, Christmas, birthday - you name it and these cookies show up!  So it's no wonder that as Easter rolls around, my whole family is begging for some.

Four Generations of My Italian Family

I think the beauty of these cookies was that they are good dunkers.  As kids, we dunked them in milk while our parents and grandparents dunked them in their coffee.  But as I have been searching for a better recipe than my mom's or aunts, I found one with less baking powder and less flour.  It makes the cookie light and yummy.  Don't forget the anise flavoring or if you don't mind alcohol, use real Anisette. 

• 4 cups flour
• 2 tablespoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 sticks butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 6 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 2 teaspoons anise

Directions
In a bowl, mix flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside. In the bowl of your mixer, cream butter and sugar, add eggs one at a time and beat after each.
Add vanilla and anise flavorings. Chill in fridge at least one hour.  Roll dough into 4-inch rope and form a circle and put on cookie sheet. 
Bake in preheated oven at 350 degrees for about 11 minutes.

Ice with confectioners sugar and milk mixed together.  I add a little meringue powder to make it harden faster.  Add those little sprinkle decorations that are pictured.  That's more traditional - anything else just doesn't seem right.  

Nourish Your Soul and Body Activity

We nourished our bodies and souls at our activity last night.   It was a great night with YUMMY crockpot creations and sweets!!  We also had an uplifting discussion led by Jen on 21 Days to Get Closer to Christ and a very informative discussion led by Lisa  on natural remedies for what ails you.  I am including some of the notes that Lisa gave us from last night.  

 Natural remedies for common ailments that are found this time of year. 

Symptoms of the common cold:

a.    Sinus congestion:
i.    At the first sign of congestion, place hot, wet towels over whole, upper face, as hot as you can stand.  Keep applying them for 15 minutes as they cool, or place a hot rice/corn bag over towels.  Repeat 3-4 x/day.
ii.    thyme, pine, lavender and clove essential oils (2-3 drops of each) in about 2 T. coconut oil—rub on sinuses, above and below eyes, making sure to not get IN your eyes.
iii.    eucaplyptus essential oil (4-5drops) into hot water. Cover head  with towel , lean over pot and breathe in the steam.  Also good for cough; it helps to loosen mucus, soothe the lining of the bronchials and encourage healing.
iv.    Neti pot—thins mucus and flushes it from the sinuses
v.    Avoid dairy products and sugar—diary contains casein, which promotes production of mucus and sugar suppresses your immune system.
b.    Head and chest congestion:
i.    Garlic Lemonade.  Garlic is anti-viral and anti-bacterial.  Strengthens your immune system.  You can eat 2 raw cloves of garlic/day, or drink this tea.  Bring 2 quarts of water, 8-10 cloves of peeled, whole garlic cloves and one chunk of peeled, raw ginger to a boil.  Cover and simmer for 2 hours.  Strain, add juice of one lemon and honey to taste (about 1-2 T. per quart of water).  Lemon is cleansing; honey is anti-bacterial and soothing to raw throat. Ginger is warming, improves your circulation and soothes an upset stomach.
c.    Umcka Cold Care-- Umcka is made from the roots of a South African plant used in traditional Zulu medicine to treat coughs and respiratory ailments. Unlike other remedies that simply mask symptoms, Umcka speeds recovery time.  Doctor recommendation and high user satisfaction make it a leading European medicine.
d.    Esberitox:  Contains two types of echinacea, plus a blend of immune-enhancing herbs to boost your natural defenses.  Thuja and white cedar push out things that don’t belong.  Start taking the moment you feel imbalanced.
e.    Drink fluids and get lots of rest.  High doses of Vitamin C (up to 5000 mg. /day) and zinc lozenges also good.  Avoid Zicam-- could cause loss of smell.
f.    Sore Throat:
i.    Gargle with ½-n-1/2 mixture of hydrogen peroxide and warm water 4x/day.  Warm Saline water gargle also works well to kill germs and soothe throat.
ii.    Slippery elm lozenges.  It restores normal mucosal lining on irritated tissue.
 
Flu:
a.    Oscillococcinum:  (o-sill-o-cox-see-num)  Homeopathic medicines are therapeutically active micro-doses of mineral, botanical and biological substances.  It has been shown in clinical studies to help reduce both the duration and the severity of flu-like symptoms.  It helps with Body Aches Headaches Fever Chills Fatigue.   MUST START AT FIRST SYMPTOM.
b.    Elderberry extract (Sambucol is the most studied)  It has an unknown mechanism of action, but research suggests it inactivates the flu virus.
c.    Stomach issues:
i.    Ginger for nausea, motion sickness.  Capsules, tea or chews if on the road.
ii.    Peppermint tea soothes stomach upset.  Steep in a covered pot so you don’t lose volatile components.
iii.    For lower GI pain, enteric coated peppermint pills make it all the way there where the oils can soothe irritation.
d.    Headaches:
i.    For tension, which usually begins early pm, manifests with pain in neck and the back of the head.  Muscles in neck and shoulders are sore and tight.  Take some time to relax.  Avoid caffeine—it increases muscle tension and anxiety.  Get a neck and shoulder rub with birch essential oil.  It is helpful in reducing pains of joints, muscles from shoveling snow, etc. It is also anti spasmodic and relieves cramps.  It contains component similar to aspirin, so avoid if on blood pressure meds, pregnant or have seizures.
ii.    Sinus headache—peppermint and lavender essential oils in carrier oil rubbed on sinuses, around eyes not in.

Diarrhea:  is simply the body’s way of trying to throw off some toxin or pathogen before they can produce even more serious complications. If it does its job and the bowels return to normal function, then we can be thankful. But too often the diarrhea does not shut off and brings the body to the point of severe dehydration and loss of essential electrolytes.
a.    Activated charcoal acts like a sponge to absorb the fluids and give form back to bowel movements.  Wait an hour before taking other drugs—it can absorb them as well and make them less effective.
b.    Probiotics:  increase the number of beneficial bacteria in your digestive tract. They can help to keep the digestive system in balance and functioning optimally, restore normal flora, and may support immune system function, especially when a person is taking antibiotics, which can wipe out intestinal bacteria indiscriminately, including those that help keep the intestinal tract healthy.  Without adequate normal flora, the immune system can't work properly, lessening resistance to infection.  (yeast infection=imbalance in good/bad bacteria in gut)  Look for CFUs in the billions.  Take before bed.

Dry skin:
a.    Coconut oil: Claims against heart disease, liver disease, diabetes, cancer, etc.  I like it for skin care and cooking.  Coconut oil is a safe solution for preventing dryness, flaking, sagging and aging of skin. Coconut oil also helps in treating various skin problems including psoriasis, dermatitis, eczema and other skin infections.  Leave- in treatment for dry scalp (1 T. overnight).  Also works well as a personal lubricant and massage oil, for diaper rash and cradle cap.
b.    Most oils oxidize when heated.  Coconut oil does not, so it can be used at higher temps.  Can be subbed for oils in baking as well and because of its sweeter flavor, sugars can often be decreased.  Buy Virgin or expeller-pressed  and organic to avoid chemicals.
c.    Cracked heels:
i.    Essential oils of peppermint for omega-3 fatty acids, lavender for promotion of healing and eucalyptus for any bacteria or viruses-- mix in coconut oil or shortening, apply and wear socks for overnight.
d.    Fish oils and evening primrose or flaxseed oils provide fatty acids to help alleviate dry skin.  Best if taken before bed.

Earache:
a.    Garlic oil.  Steep 3 crushed garlic cloves in ¼ cup olive oil for 3 days at room temp.  Strain and keep in fridge.  Warm jar in a cup of hot water  then put a few drops in ear while lying down, wait for 5 min. then plug w/cotton.  Repeat every other night for up to two weeks.
6.     If you get frequent viral or bacterial infections, strengthen your immune system.
a.    Improve your diet—follow the word of wisdom.  Avoid sugars and simple carbs.  Fill your diet with fruits and vegetables and whole grains and limit your intake of animal fats and proteins.
b.    Get enough rest and drink enough fluids
c.    Medicinal mushrooms.  Can add Asian mushrooms to your diet or take a supplement (Immuno-DMG by FoodScience of Vermont.
d.    Astragalus—a Chinese herb that is a tonic to your organs and helps your body fight colds and flus.  It is the root of a plant in the pea family long used in China to prevent illness and strengthen sick people. You can get slices of dried astragalus root at Chinese groceries and some health-food stores. Simmer the slices in tea or soups (they'll add a pleasant sweet taste). Or, buy extracts of astragalus in liquid, capsule or tablet form. Follow the dosing directions on the package. This herb is nontoxic and can be used long-term to increase resistance.

Relief Society Country Fair

In August we had a Country Fair!  We got to see the talents of so many sisters in our ward.  There was produce, quilts, baked goods, canned goods, knitted items, hand-crafted items and even fresh eggs!  It was a great night and so many blue ribbons were awarded.

A starburst quilt

Fresh veggies

A knitted sweater

Fresh eggs were a hit

Crafts and fried chicken

A loomed rug made of T-shirts

Hand-craved Christmas ornaments

Quilts galore!

Everyone had a great time and the sisters are still talking about it!

What a Country Fair without fun foods like lemonade, popcorn and cotton candy!

The Making of Me

It’s not true what they say about dogs. You can teach an old dog new tricks. I am living proof of that. This old dog has learned that it’s never too late to become who you want to be.
It was the hottest day of the summer and I was on my way to pick up my five-year old granddaughter when I thought, “What a great day for the water park!!” She flipped out when I told her what we had in store for our day. Her excitement was contagious and we both couldn’t wait for our day to begin. And begin it did.

You see, at a water park, the attire is swimsuits. Everyone wears them. You can’t get around it. As a mother, I couldn’t be caught dead in a swimsuit because I weighed about 130 lbs. more than all the other mothers. My idea of taking my kids anywhere would have meant having my husband take them and I would wait on the bench, fully clothed, watching them have fun. I finally shed those pounds when I found out I was going to become a grandmother because I wanted nothing more than a lap for my grandchildren to sit on. Now here I was, on the hottest summer day, wearing nothing but a swimsuit and flip flops for all the world to see.

After we put all our items in the rented locker, my granddaughter and I set out for adventure. The very first slide she saw was the mother of all slides. It was called the Half Pike. The platform was about six stories tall and in order to get on your raft you had to stand on a narrow platform and wait for the lifeguard to send you sailing.  Eager to please my granddaughter, we grabbed a two-person raft and started our assent up the steps to the top. As I got closer and closer I realized I just couldn’t do it.  Did I ever mention to my sweet little granddaughter that Grandma is deathly afraid of heights? I don’t even climb on chairs.

Once at the top, I tried to persuade my granddaughter to go by herself. I switched our two-person raft and tried to give her a one-person raft. It’s not that she wouldn’t go by herself. The problem was that she wanted me to enjoy it with her. “It will be so much fun”, she tried to explain. But I felt myself literally getting sick.

Well, you know what this old dog did? I caved in. We got on that narrow platform. We got into the two-person raft; although, I made my granddaughter get in the front. We waited for the lifeguard to push us over. We went sailing through the half-pike, laughing all the way. It was exhilarating. It was thrilling. But mostly, it became a cherished memory for both my granddaughter and me.

I believe that one moment of getting on that raft turned the day at the water park into one of the best days of my life. I had conquered my fears. I was on the other side of the fence. I was no longer the fat lady, fully clothed, watching her kids have fun. I became part of the fun. I believe this old dog has learned some new tricks. Swimsuit and all.