Marriage is Meant to Last Forever

When I was a little girl, I reached over the front seat of the car, and asked my Mother who her best friend was.  I was perplexed when she said my father.  I expected her to say her sister, or a neighbor.  Anyone but my father!  But over the years, I have been the beneficiary of that deep and abiding friendship.  They were loyal to each.  They encouraged each other.  They respected each other.  They didn't seek to change each other.  They experienced cancer, deaths, disability of a child, and financial struggles.  But through it all they persevered. The bond between them grew.  The friendship deepened.  My father passed away unexpectedly in his sleep one night.  Mom, knowing he was dead in the bed, got up and put on her panty hose and dress, then called 911 because she knew it was going to be a big day.  Later that week, she told me that she would do all she could to be healthy and ensure a long live (she had cancer at the time), but she wanted me to know that if she should die how happy she would be to be with my father again.  Years passed, and my mother kept true to her word.  She said she felt my father's presence nudging her towards baptism and the temple.  On a glorious day, I witnessed the sealing of my mother to her husband (my husband was the proxy) in the temple and I was blessed to be sealed to these two people that knew what love was.

I am indeed grateful for the covenant of eternal marriage.  Elder Hafen talked of a  young and happy couple on their wedding day and wondered how long it would be until these two faced opposition that faces every marriage.  My mother saw that there was indeed a way to be with her husband, her best friend in eternities, and she took those steps, even though she, herself was ill.  When my mother passed away, it was a bitter sweet day for me.  Even though I knew I would miss her deeply, I remembered how much she longed to be with my father again.  How joyous that reunion must have been. 

Wolves would destroy marriage.  Adversity can take its toll.  Imperfections will test us.  Attitudes of individualism will tear us apart.  Elder Russell M. Nelson taught, "The noblest yearning of the human heart is for a marriage that can endure beyond death."


Consider this illustration by Boyd K. Packer:

My wife has an aged aunt in Brigham City. She is the last of fourteen children. Perhaps seventy-five years ago, Millicent took her little brothers and sisters to town to see the Peach Days Parade. With excitement they walked the long way to town. They hadn’t been there long when a horse-drawn water wagon came along, sprinkling the streets to settle the dust. They watched it in awe and were greatly impressed. When it had passed they went home. They thought the parade was over. They were quite satisfied, until they learned the difference.

My mother understood the difference.  She wanted all that Heavenly Father intended for His children's happiness.  And my happiness.  And your happiness.  Through her diligence in keeping covenants, she was able to obtain that.  Through the blessings of temple ordinances, I am blessed that my family can be together, forever.

Daddy Gave Me a Name

            No subject touches my heart more than the topic of fatherless America.  I believe it is the stem of all our social problems.  We are slowly becoming a culture of fatherlessness.  An article in The Washington Times states that a single mother has three daughters.  Each has matching glittery boots, but none has the same father. Each has uniquely colored ties in her hair, but none has a dad present in her life. 

We are losing the idea of fatherhood in our society.  It has been almost two years since a six-year old girl has seen her father.  While skyping he asks her to tell him what’s on her mind.  She answers by saying, “Daddy, I really, really want you to come here to see me.”  Quickly the subject is changed and not even a glimmer of hope is made at granting this little girl’s wish.  

          Fatherlessness is on the rise.  Studies show that 41% of births in the United States now occur outside the context of marriage.  Only 29% of African American children live with their married parents.   There is a direct link between violent crime, drug abuse, gangs and a father’s absence.  Our society needs a solution to this nation’s most serious issue.

                      Our society sees fathers as unnecessary.  In the book, Fatherless America, David Blankenhorn states there are many different names we use to identify fathers in America. There is the Sperm Donor, Deadbeat Dad, Baby Daddy, Stepfather, or Nearby Guy.   But, children are crying out for the Good Family Man –a  man that sticks by his family and gives, not only his money, but his time. How much longer does this six-year old girl have to wait for her father’s visit?  Or, one day will the skyping and phone calls end too? 
 Think of it this way – in a few years we will have two groups of youth in our country.
  They will speak the same language and have the same national history but they will live two different lives.  One group will have psychological, social, economic, educational, and moral benefits.  One group will not.  The main factor in these groups will be fatherlessness.  All to many children live the lives that Everclear described in their song, "Father of Mine":

Father of mine
Tell me where have you been
You know I just closed my eyes
My whole world disappeared
Father of mine
Take me back to the day
When I was still your golden boy
Back before you went away

I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be weird inside
I will always be lame

Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away

          Our children desire both parents present in their lives.  It is ideal for the parents to be married and to love each other and raise a family within the love of that marriage.  But in situations where that is not possible, it is vital to put the child first at all times.  And not only if something better doesn't come along (like a new wife and family, new job, new life).

          D Todd Christofferson offers this advice in his talk, "Brethern, We Have Work to Do."     You adult men—fathers, single adults, leaders, home teachers—be worthy models and help the rising generation of boys become men. Teach them social and other skills: how to participate in a conversation, how to get acquainted and interact with others, how to relate to women and girls, how to serve, how to be active and enjoy recreation, how to pursue hobbies without becoming addicted, how to correct mistakes and make better choices.

          Likewise, the role model of a father that loves a little girl is irreplaceable in her life.  By having a father in her life, she will see kindness, respect, she will see courage and someone who is willing to sacrifice for her.  That model will be what she will seek in her life as she grows up and how she will expect boys to treat her.

          Fatherhood is not something that you can walk away from.  It is a partnership with the mother, the child and a responsibility from God.

Mother's Day Letter to My Children

This year marks my first Mother's Day without you close by.  I keep planning what I'll do.  I'll go to Church and spend some time with grandma.  I'll probably take a ride with dad on the motorcycle.  Read a book.  Eat something yummy.  Talk to you.  It's all good things that I love to do and I am sure it will be great day.  I hope for each of you, Stacey and Jess and Jenn to enjoy the day with your children.  Remember that the key to enjoy Mother's Day is not to expect too much!!!

Motherhood is a challenge and a blessing.  No one can describe the moment that you hold your newborn for the very first time or the joys of seeing your child make good choice on their own.  Cherish your little ones.  They tend to grow up overnight.  No wonder the scriptures say, "Behold your little ones."

I wouldn't be a mother without each of you.  You have made my life completely complete.

Dear Bryant:  No little guy ever came into the world with as much anticipation as you.  After days of labor, you were born.  Dad cried as he said to you "I'm your father and I love you." You were the genesis of a young family. Our beginning.  Both sets of grandparents were at the hospital waiting your arrival.  You got the newly decorated baby nursery, a baby buggy and an automatic rocking horse. Everything you did was a first and we were over the moon with each little step and word from you.  You have always been happy and cheerful.  You laughed at your sisters antics and adored your father and Poppy. You were always my favorite.  Your faith in God has been an inspiration to me even when times were tough for you, you hung in there.  Keep going, Bry.  Keep walking, having faith and hope in the future.



Dear Stacey:  You brought life and light into our home the moment you were born.  Even as a newborn, you had a mind of your own.  You taught me the way you wanted things done.  You were the middle child (and acted nothing like a middle child) and the one we relaxed with. You were the baby that was dropped and stepped on more times than I care to say.  You were my constant companion for your first year and we went everywhere together.  Your mind was always spinning with ideas:  good ideas and fun ideas.  You brought us friends and events and parties and lots of dancing.  You always knew what path you wanted in life and set out on course to achieve your goals. You are firm and steadfast.   I wish I had one ounce of your creativity, passion and drive.  You were always my favorite.    You have been a loyal friend to many, including me, especially me!  Thanks for getting me and dreaming dreams with me.

Dear Jess:  You will always be my baby.   As a baby, I would try to protect you from the wind and rain, but you didn't want me to.   You wanted to hold your face high into the storm. But I see you in a strong woman who has overcome many obstacles. That's who you are today. You were our icing on the cake and made our family complete.  You are the only little girl I know that would sit on a stool by the dentist to watch her mother have a root canal.  That's how good you were.  You bring to our family a sense of individuality and uniqueness.   You are your own person but very much a part of all of us.  You are sensitive and kind to the needs and desires of others.  Potential is oozing out of your pores.  Live the life of your dream.  You have always been my favorite.  I cherish our friendship. 

The Family

The Family:  A Proclamation to the World

I am taking a class on The Family:  A Proclamation to the World through Brigham Young University - Idaho.  First unit and already I am learning things I didn't know before.  Such as the earth was created for families to exist.  Families are central in our theology to God's plan for our happiness. 

       When I was a teenager, I envisioned the life I would have as an adult.  I wanted nothing more than to be a mother.  I imagined having six children, all dressed in white, sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade, and waiting for Father to come home.  Father was tall, handsome and rich.  I imagined my home to be decorated with white furnishings and brightly colored accents.  I knew I would have a job chart and each child would take joy in completing their assignments.  In my gourmet kitchen, I would whip up fancy dinners and have intelligent conversation with my family each night around the dinner table.  Once a week, the family would gather around for a musical family concert.  Each child would excel in the instrument of their choosing. 

        As my life progressed, I realized some things that weren’t part of the dream.  I didn’t realize that my handsome husband brought sawdust into the house each evening when he came home.   I didn’t realize that I didn’t know what to do with a newborn.  When he cried for the first time, I would have to refer to the instructions given to me at the hospital to figure out what to do with him.  I could have never imagined fear the night we had to bring our baby boy to the emergency room for a life and death situation.  I didn’t know the secret to finishing a sewing project is giving three preschoolers a box of ice pops while they watch TV.

        My child taught me that they would only like tuna casserole and spaghetti and that one would declare herself a vegetarian at age eight.  Cats didn’t like the litter box  but they loved to scratch at the furniture in the living room.  And, the idea of the job chart where every one accomplished their tasks with joy only lasted a week.    No one ever told me that 12 year old cooking could burn your house down.  Lastly, no one ever told me that each children would be so completely different and I would have to adjust my parenting skills.  

My dreams of a classical music family got clouded up by one word - practice.   One family night we did have a family concert. Stacey played the flute, Bry played the piano, trumpet and French horn and Jess was starting the viola. Jess went first. She kept us waiting be cause she was getting ready. She came out of her room wearing dads cowboy boots, my prom gown, bright red lipsticks and a pillow on her head. She started to play. Her first song was jingle bells. It sounded just like can can. Her second was can can. It sounded just like jingle bells. The while time she was playing she was flipping her music right side up and upside down. We couldn't stop laughing which got her so angry that she place her viola in the case and slammed it shut and stormed off.

        All in all I can truly say that the reality was far better than the dream

​The reality brought with it dance recitals, piano recitals, school concerts, field trips, sleepovers, pranks, pep rallies, friends, and marching band.  It brought camping trips, vacations, favorite songs, and family activities.  It also brought heart ache, grief, forgiveness and learning faith.

​Reality has taught me time does, indeed, move on.  My three little kids are now three grown adults.  Each has brought a new dimension into my life.  We all share the same memories but we see the world differently.  Reality has taught me that my three little children were never meant to be perfect or to be clones of myself and my husband.  They are each individuals with their own desires, talents and challenges.